"How can 59,017,382 people be so DUMB?"

That, you've probably heard by now, was the front-page headline of England's Daily Mirror tabloid.

Now, being one of the DUMB, I'm unable to figure out a couple of things: Why is it that America, filled as it ostensibly is with DUMB people, is the world's hyperpower? And given that we DUMB folk are the world's hyperpower, what does that make all the people of those other countries who are, well, not hyperpowers?

Oh, I know, it must be that we're the world's hyperpower because of the leaders of the anti-Bush movement.... Great artists like Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon and such. Yeah, they're responsible for our economic and technological prowess. Sure they are.

Oh, and, I guess that means all those folks in other countries are really industrious, genius-type people who are being held back by, um.... Their LACK of brilliant artists like Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon.

Okay world, I feel bad about this. It's just not fair that we're hogging all the hyperpower-causing super-brilliant artists in this country. I tell you what. We're gonna give 'em to ya. Then you all can be the hyperpowers and we'll just mosey along in our DUMB little way, following the bold path that you blaze.

Right...